sigh tilt

I just finished a session where for 2.5 hours I played really really solid poker.  I took great notes, I focused, and I made smart plays against my opponents.  I wasn't really getting hit by the deck, but I managed to get up 4 buy-ins and really felt good about my play.  then I just start playing like shit and give 5 back.  I starts with a reg rivering a 4 outer on me and then I know I shouldn't value bet, but i do because I have a boat, and so I bet tiny trying to get calls from trips and flushes.  And of course he shoves, and I know he isn't capable of bluffing and all of the better boats are in his range for playing that way, but I just can't fold.  so I throw away 60bb doing that shit. 

Then I c/r a LAG with NFD+gutter on a paired board when he has trips, when I should have just c/c'd the flop because I know he doesn't value bet thin or barrel so I actually had SD value against his bet once and give up plan.  So I throw away another 60bb when I c/r him and have to call it off.  And he has a blocker to my gutshot so I only have 25% there.  fuck.

Then I try a stupid play where I flat a LAGs 3bet in the BB with KQs even though I should cold 4bet or fold it.  He has an extremely polarized 3bet range, and also just doesn't bluff much.  I'm tilting and instead of just folding preflop like I know I should I make a stupid cold call trying to get all hoodrat and shit.  Of course he has KK and we get a Khigh flop and I stack off for 120bb.  so fucking stupid. 

lastly some nit 3bets me and I know his 3bet range is like KK+ and the rest bluffs so I go for the 4bet because he folds his 3bet like 70% of the time.  But he flats and then on a Q9x flop he checks back meaning he either has QQ, KK or AA and is trying to induce because he knows I can't resist.  Instead of just giving up on the pot like I should I turn a gutter and bet like half pot hoping to fold out JJ or AK and he just jams in my face and I sigh and fold.  there goes another 50bb.  So fucking stupid.

after that I just quit the session because I was so disgusted with my awful play.  Just totally weak minded and unfocused.  If you're not going to give it your best effort for the entirety of your session you might as well set a time limit and just quit at that point.  The fact that I couldn't remain focused for 3 fucking hours today is just so pitiful.  Two and a half hours and I start dicking around.  THE GAME IS NOT ABOUT RUNNING THE STREETS AND TRYING TO EMBARASS OTHER PROS!!!!! IT'S ABOUT MAKING MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thats all.

other than that it's been a very good month so far.  hopefully I can get my head out of my ass and finish strong.