Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know... everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold. I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good.

(pursuit of happiness by kid cudi)

its been a weird 6 weeks.

I'm going to my 5th year college reunion on friday. So getting on that flight will be the 4th time in 6 weeks that I've been out of town for 3 or more days. Honestly I'm pretty exhausted with flying.

Combined with getting the flu a few weeks ago and I'm really behind schedule for my play this year. I'm also behind on prep for baseball this summer. I threw a pen last night and felt pretty good about where I'm at considering I'm almost a month behind schedule. I'm just going to have to crank up the prep and get caught up.

Also trying to turn my normal 2-3k hand grind sessions into 5-6k hand grind sessions. I figure if I can make that my norm for the next couple of months I'll get closer to where I wanted to be in terms of hands played at this time of year.

Also had the crazy up and down that was a week in which my sister got married, duke won the national championship, and then my grandfather passed. His death wasn't a shock as I've watched his body slowly deteriorate for the last few years. And with all of the travel and lack of sleep when the news hit me I was just kind of numb. I felt the loss more when I was home with family, especially my mom and uncle. But I'm not sure it has really hit me. He was such a wonderful man, a role model, and one of the important supports in life. It's hard to imagine that he's really gone. I guess what's really weird is to think that I've been operating for a few years now essentially without him because his body just couldn't consistently support him.

I'm not really sure where all of the above is going, but I can't deny that it feels somewhat cathartic to write some things down. there are a lot more thoughts I have on my grandfather. And I've definitely reflected on a few things since he's passed. but some of these things are personal and certainly don't belong in a blog. especially if I can't quite wrap my head around them.

I think this is definitely a loss that I'll feel more in the near future than I do right now. The combination of being emotionally and physically exhausted by the time I flew back to WV (where I just flown from 48 hours before) and not being shocked with the news definitely somewhat limited the emotional penetration. I think I'm going to find thanksgiving, christmas, etc much more difficult.

I know this hasn't been much of a pick me up. and this might be a weird time to end a post, but that's what's happening.

hopefully I'll have a big session this evening and that will give me something to post about.



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