Today I had planned to play for about 6 hours, but 3 in I decided to call it a session. I was running about 2 BI under expectation, was getting coolered quite a bit, and definitely missed some value bets. But I had managed to win about 4 buy-ins and for the first time all week I felt good about my game. I'm not sure that I was playing drastically better today than I had for the 21k hands I had played earlier in the week, but I finally had won some cash and I needed the mental boost.
Poker can beat you down. This year has been a trial. Cash flow not what it used to be due to Black Friday and FTP stealing the vast majority of my bankroll, I was already under the gun so to speak in terms of stress. It took a lot of work just to get a bankroll back, and to get playing again on different sites. After all of that I had eaten through a good portion of my savings. And then the run bad started. It began last fall and was definitely a combination or running bad range vs range as well as being under EV. But I managed to win some money just about every month thanks to RB and bonuses so I wasn't sweating it too much. But then things started to get ugly in January of this year. I simply could not win, and I was running multiple buy-ins under expectation every second. Combine this with a volunteer position I took on a Division III college baseball staff, and suddenly I could barely stomache playing. At this point in the year I was about 80 BI under EV and wasn't sure if I would ever win big again.
The run bad continued at the tables, but I was trying to grind it out when I could. Then it extended to my real life. At the beginning of April of last year I accidentally stabbed myself in my right palm. The story itself is both frightening and funny, but I'll stick to the results. I severed the flexor tendon that bends my pinky, knicked an artery, and did mild nerve damage. It took surgery to repair my hand, and then 6-8 weeks of rehab before I was able to use it again. Everything is back to normal now, but during that time I basically was one handed and it was the hand I don't use to play poker.
In order to be able to play and try and make money for that month, and May I decided to try and 4 table PLO at lower stakes. I figured that my slower mouse movements would match with my poorer understanding of the game and need for more time to think about decisions. Eventually I started to think I had a better handle on the game, and my left hand was getting very proficient with the mouse so I found myself frequently 8 tabling. Unfortunately I was overestimating my knowledge of PLO and underestimating the variance. My breakeven to slightly winning PLO game quickly took a nosedive and I found myself losing, and losing frequently. I ended up running about 35 BI under EV for my PLO play, but had I run at EV I would have still been a slightly losing player. At this point I was at an all time poker low. Using the wrong, hand, playing the wrong game, and still losing. I'd been losing or breaking even for nearly 5 months.
Thankfully I budgeted for crises because (although not dire or life threatening) this was certainly my first crisis as a pro. I decided to give myself two more months to work out of the funk. I had my hand back, I'd go back to my bread and butter game (NLHE) and I'd rededicate myself. If I couldn't book a reasonable winning month with new focus and new rules for sessions I'd polish off the resume and move on.
then things started to change...
TO BE CONTINUED.
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