getting crushed lalalala

So I've been getting my grind on seriously for the first time in awhile, putting in 22k hands already this month most at 1/2. And things started off well. I was up about 13 BIs and playing well and thought I had fixed a lot of leaks and was really feeling good about things.

In comes my last two sessions where I drop 7 and 11 buy-ins respectively and my month is back to being shit. It's tough to keep a level head when almost all of your roll is seemingly lost on FTP, you're waiting for time to get up setup so you can actually cashout your low stakes grindings in the near future. I only put $1k on merge after BF, and I'm just really disappointed with my results on the site. I've made money mostly through RB, bonus clearance, and PLO. But through 120k hands at the site I'm basically breaking even and actually down close to 2k because all of my run bad has come at small stakes (run good seems to come at .25/.50).

I'm trying to maintain confidence, and focus on the next hand and just grind. But when you continually get beat down both by good players, tough spots, and getting crushed by the deck it's very hard to have a feel for whether or not you are playing your A game. All of this would be a moot point if I had my tilt money in my bank account because I'd have no pressure to earn. But as that money seems gone for the near future I'd like to gain some traction in bankroll building on other networks.

Plus I've basically got one more tough session in me at 1/2 before I'm going to have to drop back down to .25/.50 (unless the BBJ gets above 220k or so in which case I can play .5/1 profitably). In general I stay away from .5/1 on merge unless the BBJ is really high because the rake is pretty tough to overcome.

Right now I'm basically playing 1/2 on a 30 BI roll (down from the high of a 47 BI roll for 1/2). I don't really feel comfortable playing much shorter than 25BI on the roll so I'll probably have to move down at that point.

not really sure if there is much reason to post hands or anything. this was mostly just a blow off some steam post. I haven't posted on 2p2 in weeks because I was saving my 5k post for something worth doing. But tbh I don't really see much of a point in doing that now. I haven't had meaningful results since Black Friday and unless I get my roll back from tilt is going to be awhile before I'm a full time midstakes grinder.

just gotta keep my head up.